Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence has a major impact upon the health, well-being and education of children and young people. Current estimates suggest that between 33000 and 40000 children and young people in Birmingham will be directly affected by domestic violence.

Children & young people’s experiences

Some children will have witnessed or heard the abuse, all will sense that their mother, or carer, is unhappy and some will themselves have been abused. All young people living in homes where domestic violence is prevalent will grow up in an atmosphere of fear, tension, intimidation and confusion. Most commonly, they may:

Directly observe physical or sexual violence, by being in the same or next room, being woken, seeing their mothers in distress or injured
Directly observe, and often experience, emotional violence and abuse
Have been directly threatened, injured or abused, themselves
Being forced to participate in the abuse and degradation by the abuser
Live with secrecy and shame-whether it be keeping the violence a secret or where they have had to flee, keeping their past life a secret
Feel that somehow it is their fault that it is happening
Intervene (by calling the police or trying to protect their mum or other siblings) and get injured themselves

If they have to flee the violence, they will:

Experience disruption of their home and schooling
Experience loss of friends, pets or toys, of their routines and activities and of their father
Often find themselves brought to the centre of the violence as the perpetrator seeks renewed control over contact with them
The effects that Domestic Violence can have on children can vary and are normal responses to abnormal situations that children are experiencing.

Perpetuating abuse through children

Abusers often use children as a form of abusing their partner. This may include:

Threats to harm the children
Threats to report her to social services or police as an unfit mother
Threats to abduct children if she leaves
Saying that he will gain custody (residence) if she leaves
Turning the children against their mother
Constantly critical of her abilities as a mother/partner
Withholding money
Abusing the children physically, sexually or emotionally
Abuse through child contact after separation

Mothers can be most vulnerable to serious violent assault in the period after separation. Child contact can be a mechanism for the abusive partner to locate the mother and children. Children can also be vulnerable to violent assault as a means of hurting their mother. Men who abuse their partners can also use contact with the children to hurt the mother by, for example verbally abusing the mother to the children or blaming her for the separation. Thus, through contact the children can be exposed to further physical, emotional or psychological harm.

Concerns of the Non-Abusing Parent

A parent experiencing domestic violence may have many concerns about her children. These include;

Being prevented from taking the children with her if she leaves
Worries over contact the children may have with the perpetrator
Feeling she needs financial or practical support to look after the children
Recognising that children have been traumatised by the domestic violence and wanting extra support for them
Fear of abduction

Best practice in working with children affected by Domestic Violence

Birmingham Inter-Agency Domestic Violence Forum and Birmingham Safeguarding Board have endorsed the following best practice in working with children who are affected by domestic violence:

Do remember that your initial response is extremely important. Validate what the child is telling you, ensures/he knows that you are listening and that you believe what you are being told. Reassure the child that they have done the right thing in telling you and that Domestic Violence is not their fault
Do be honest with the child from the outset; explain the limitations to confidentiality to ensure that the child can control what s/he tells you. Explain what you will do and how you will record any information given
Do ensure that the child feels comfortable talking to you; give her/him your name and encourage the child to contact you again in the future should s/he need to. If the child wants you to contact her/him make sure that you have a safe way of doing this before agreeing to do so
Do use language that is appropriate to the child’s age and ability and ensure that you are not overloading the child with information. This is especially important when talking to children about confidentiality.
Do listen for ’coded’ talking from children, don’t assume or expect they will name things in the way that you do.
Do be trustworthy in your work with children, do what you say you are going to do, set and maintain boundaries around your work and don’t make promises you can’t keep.
Do allow the child to be in control wherever possible, offer choices, go at her/his pace; ask the child what they want to happen next and ask what you can do to help.
Do allow children to be children and don’t make them responsible for adult stuff!
Do prepare yourself for disclosures of abuse and domestic violence; be aware of other organisations who can offer support. Where appropriate give the child contact telephone numbers for her/him to access in their own time and ensure that you are aware of out-of-hours support in the event of an emergency
Do be aware of the link between Domestic Violence and Child Protection; be clear about your responsibilities with regard to child protection and ensure that the child understands what might happen.
Do be non-judgemental in your response to children; respond to each child’s individual needs and be aware that children’s experiences will differ depending on ability, age, culture, ethnicity, gender, race, religion or sexuality.
Do record any information you are given. This will validate what the child has told you and ensure continuity in support.
Do develop links with other agencies working in this field and make the most of networking opportunities
Do be aware of your own and your own organisations limitations; seek advice from other professionals and acknowledge that other services may be more appropriate
Do follow up any referral that you have made with the organisation and the child, and ensure that the child understands what is going on throughout the process
Do remember that often the best way to support children is to support the non abusing parent/carer, who is usually mum.

Children’s Disclosures

It can be daunting for a child to disclose abuse because of the following fears and beliefs:

They may feel the abuse is their fault
They will get into trouble
Nobody will believe them
Nobody can stop it
The abuse will get worse
Their abuser will be sent to prison and it will be their fault
Their mother and other people they love will be hurt if they tell
They may feel the abuse is their fault
They told before and nobody listened
They will be taken into care
Their abuser has said that they will hurt them if they tell
They believe that this is what happens in families
They love their dad
They may blame their behaviour i.e. If I’m good they wont do it again
They may believe that they are a bad child
They feel ashamed of what the abuser does

Common Assessment Framework (CAF)

The Common Assessment Framework provides a universal assessment tool for early intervention for practitioners working with children, young people and their families. It provides an initial checklist to be used for assessing children the results of which highlight any additional or specialist support bringing together agencies to share information, undertake appropriate assessments and provide multi agency support.

The aims of CAF is to assess a child’s needs at the first sign of difficulty so as to prevent a child’s needs becoming more serious’. This therefore provides a good opportunity to identify any domestic abuse that the child may be affected by in order to offer early integrated support to the child and the non abusing parent.

Family Support

Mothers and children who have experienced domestic violence will often be very isolated and may have trouble coming to terms with and talking together about the abuse they have experienced.

Specialist family support is available for women and children affected by domestic violence and living in the community through Women’s Aid (city-wide) and through Stepping Stones (Yardley)

In refuge, family support workers will offer a variety of children’s services as well as supporting the relationship between mother and child/ren which may have been impaired by the abuse.

There are a many other services, which whilst not domestic violence specific, will have experience of domestic violence and if they can’t deal themselves, will refer on to domestic violence services. Targeted Family Support Services and Children’s Centres would often be the first port of call to access this type of support (See listings)

Children Accessing Support

Children can access support themselves through a number of services, such as Childline, Birmingham Signposting Services, Open Door Youth Counselling Service and Amazon. A new counselling service is about to start in Ashram for black and minority ethnic children who have experienced domestic violence.

The following websites are aimed specifically at children who have experienced domestic violence www.freedomfromfear.org and www.thehideout.org.uk

Where children have been more deeply emotionally affected by their experiences and need more intense support, the GP may consider a referral to the Child & Adolescent Mental Health Teams which aim to support, help and intervene with children and young people who are experiencing emotional and mental health problems.

Safeguarding Children -Acting on Concerns

Anyone who has concerns about a child should follow their agency’s internal child protection procedures. Many agencies have designated staff able to offer advice and decide upon the necessity for a referral to the relevant area office of Birmingham Children, Young People and Families Directorate, or if it is outside of normal office hours to the Emergency Duty Team. If your agency does not have a designated person, it is always wise to refer to these teams if you are concerned about a child.

Where the survivor recognises that her child/ren maybe at risk of experiencing abuse or neglect or where she feels she needs additional support to protect her children, she may self-refer to the same teams.

Birmingham Safeguarding Children Board’s Child Protection Procedures (2006) provide a practice framework for all agencies and professionals who work together to safeguard children in Birmingham.

Link Section 23 of the Child Protection Procedures, relating specifically to domestic violence

Abduction

If there is a threat that the perpetrator may abduct the children, the following preventative steps could be taken:

Seek legal help if possible, notifying a solicitor who may advise on seeking court orders to restrict the father’s contact
Keep the children’s passport, birth certificate, medical cards and any court orders in a safe place
If the child does not have a passport, the mother can lodge an objection with the passport office but will normally need a copy of a residency or prohibited steps order
The mother should not agree to the father taking the children abroad
Teachers should be informed not to hand over the children to the father, relatives or friends
Keep recent photos and descriptions of the children and father

Domestic Violence Services:

Full listings for services can be found at Birmingham Domestic Violence Forum website
www.biadvf.org

Ashram Reducing Domestic Violence Project

RDVP is a specialised, but not specific, service for South Asian women living with or fleeing domestic abuse Provides comprehensive support, advocacy, information and advice to empower women to live more independently.

Telephone: 0121 764 3817

Birmingham & Solihull Women's Aid

Helpline/ Birmingham Refuge Line:	0800 0732 606
Floating Support service	685 8687
Family Support service	685 8551
Safety Unit	685 8687
Therapeutic counselling	685 8551
Training for practitioners	685 8551
Awareness-raising in schools	685 8551

BSWA provides holistic and integrated services for women and children experiencing domestic violence and training and awareness-raising for practitioners, children and young people.

Telephone Helpline offers a listening ear, emotional support and practical information on BSWA services and other agencies.

If a woman decides that she no longer feels safe to remain in her home, Women’s Aid can arrange for her and her children, to move to a refuge. They have refuge accommodation in Birmingham and Solihull, which is accessible 24 hours a day. Refuge space can also be found elsewhere in the country if this is what a woman chooses.

Birmingham Women’s Advice & Information Centre (BWAIC)

Free counselling , information and support and self help groups for women

Tel: 0121 212 1881

Breathe Again Ltd

A free confidential advice and information service for African and Caribbean women affected by Domestic Violence. Support includes emotional support, Immigration advice and assistance with Housing or emergency accommodation.

Tel: 0121 248 1068

Website: www.breatheagain.co.uk

The Doli Project

Provides support to anyone who is affected by a forced marriage. Provides culturally sensitive advice and counselling. The service is strictly confidential

Telephone: 0845 658 1057

Website: www.thedoliproject.net

Rights of Women Legal Advice Line

Free confidential legal advice on family law, divorce and relationship breakdown, children and contact issues, domestic violence, sexual violence, discrimination and lesbian parenting. A number of fact sheets are available free to download.

www.rightsofwomen.org.uk

Legal Advice Line: 020 7251 6577

Sexual Violence Legal Advice Line for women by women:

Tel: 020 7251 8887

WAITS ( Women Acting in Today’s Society)

Support, advocacy & befriending for all women who have experienced domestic violence at some point in their lives. There is a particular focus on black and minority ethnic women.

www.waitsaction.org

Telephone: 0121 440 1443

National Domestic Violence Helpline 24 hour freephone

www.womensaid.org.uk

0808 2000 247

For male victims of domestic violence, contact:

Victim Support Men’s Helpline

Tel: 0800 328 3623

Services available: Helpline for male victims of sexual and domestic abuse. Provides an opportunity to talk in confidence and anonymously

M.A.L.E: Men’s Advice Line & Enquiries

Confidential helpline for male victims of domestic violence whether in straight, gay, bi sexual or transgender relationship

www.mensadviceline.org.uk